According to Dr. Harry Fisch, author of the The New Naked: The Ultimate Sex Education for Grownups, an astonishing 45 percent of men climax in two minutes or less when they’re having sex. Combine that with the fact that most women need more than 15 minutes of sexual stimulation to achieve orgasm, and you’re looking at a seriously inconvenient truth.
Luckily, there are a number of things you can do to exert control over your sexual response and stand a better chance of regularly experiencing an orgasm at around the same time of day as your partner—and none of these tips involve daydreaming about baseball. Bonus: if you really want to boost your sexual prowess, try out the yoga moves that are guaranteed to make you a better lay.
1 Don’t skimp on cardio.
Improving your overall body wellness can have a big effect on your penis and all the fun things it can do. Cardio exercise such as aerobics, swimming, running, or jogging can strengthen your lungs and increase their capacity. Being fitter will enable you to control your breathing well during sexual intercourse and lower the chances of ejaculating prematurely.
But cardio will also boost your metabolism, improving circulation to your heart, lungs, and—most importantly—your penis. Working out has also been shown to stimulate the release of endorphins, which can help you release tension, stay calm and enjoy sexual contact, lowering the chances of shooting your bolt in a hurry. For extra motivation, here are the 10 Best Cardio Workouts for Men Over 40.
2 Lose the same-old plot.
Dr. Jane Greer, relationship expert and family therapist, says that experimenting with new positions and sensations can often help men last longer in bed. Her reasoning is positively Pavlovian: Greer maintains that when you’ve been with the same partner for some time, routine sex positions can make your body anticipate climax and bring on the finale. Doing things in a different order may help delay it. “The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” says Greer. For ideas on how to switch things up, check out the 60 Sex Positions Guaranteed to Enhance Your Love Life.
3 Find your edge.
Ever heard of “edging?” It means building up to what’s called “ejaculatory inevitability”—the orgasmic point of no return—then standing down for a minute or so before restarting the action. You probably already know what the point of no return feels like. The key thing is to know what the moment just before that feels like. When you feel that feeling while having sex, stop doing whatever’s drawing you closer to that point. Do something that doesn’t involve your penis, such as orally or stimulating your partner—provided that’s not a trigger for you. Eventually build up to at least twenty minutes of stop-start action to give your partner a chance of having an orgasm before or at the same time as you do. When you get comfortable with knowing where your tipping point is, you can cruise along in that zone without the time-outs. There’s also an added bonus of edging for you: Delaying your climax will make your orgasm all that more powerful. For more on that, learn the 11 Secrets For A Harder Erection and a Mind-Blowing Orgasm.
4 Do your kegels.
Don’t laugh. The best method for strengthening the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle) to help control ejaculation is to perform what are commonly known as kegel exercises. The easiest way for you to find this muscle is to stop the flow of pee when you use the bathroom. You’re using the PC muscle to do that! To do kegels, quickly clench and release the PC muscle repeatedly for ten seconds. Do three sets, with a ten-second break between sets. Once you’re into a good routine, you can start busting out your new skill while having sex. Contract your PC muscle when you’re close to orgasm, and you ought to be able to put a lid on things until you (and she) are ready.
5 Intercourse doesn’t have to be the main course.
Foreplay. The name we give to every other time of sexual play besides intercourse is frankly a misnomer. Kissing, massage, frottage, manual, and oral stimulation doesn’t have to go before anything. Returning to outercourse—a less misleading name for non-penetrative sex play—is both a good way to make sex less scripted and slow the action down. But that’s not all. About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone, so chunking up your sessions with activities that are more likely to drive her wild is a proven way to increase her chances of drifting off to sleep with a smile on her face.
6 Take advantage of the refractory period.
A man’s refractory period is the length of time between when he ejaculates and his ability to achieve and maintain another erection. Studies have shown that 18-year-old males have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in their 70s take about 20 hours. (The average for all men in general about half an hour.) This intermission is a great opportunity for a man with a snoozing cuke to turn his attention to pleasing his partner. His returning erection doesn’t just mean the possibility of a second round but, because many men experience less sensitivity during an encore performance, the intercourse is likely to last longer.
7 Employ the squeeze method.
Perhaps you’ve stumbled upon a Showtime drama called Masters of Sex. It depicts the lives and work of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson: A two-person research team who explored the nature of human sexual response and the diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunctions and disorders from 1957 until the 1990s. Part of their legacy was their prescribing of the squeeze technique to delay ejaculation and prolong the length of sexual intercourse. They told women to place the thumb, index, and middle fingers around the tip of his penis, and squeeze immediately before a man was reaching ejaculatory inevitability and keep squeezing until that feeling had subsided and his body relaxed before slowly release the pressure. Give it a try. While a man will lose some or most of his erection, he should be able to recover it quickly and start again.
8 Use condoms.
When used correctly, condoms are an effective way of reducing your chances of conceiving a child and contracting a number of sexually transmitted infections. They are also pretty good at reducing sensation meaning that slipping one on—even if contracting an STI or making a baby is not a concern—could be a great way to make sex last longer. If you’re in the market for a thicker condom to decrease sensation, try Lifestyles Extra Strength.
9 Masturbate before sex.
For some men, masturbating to completion an hour or two before sex can make the main event last longer. Indeed, this sex-lengthening technique was explored in the movie Something About Mary though in that depiction, Ben Stiller’s character’s pre-gaming had only comical results.
10 Take breaks.
Provided you don’t have any pressing appointments, taking breaks during your session is a simple and effective way to slow down sex, savor the moment, and increase your mutual satisfaction. When things feels as though they are reaching a conclusion prematurely, stop and do something that buys time. Return to kissing, cuddling, massage, sensation play—or, better yet, transmute the fire in your loins into doing something that your partner goes wild for.
Sildenafil (known by most by the brand name, Viagra) is intended to help men with erectile dysfunction achieve and maintain erections and, for a lot of ED sufferers, that’s precisely what it does. But studies have shown that sildenafil does more than put lead in one’s pencil. A 2007 study showed that sildenafil is a very effective and safe to treat premature ejaculation, while research published in early 2000 found that sildenafil shortened the refractory period by an average of 11 minutes men who are around 32 years old. Stateside, sildenafil remains prescription-only, but across the pond, U.K. drug regulators have approved the over-the-counter sale of Viagra starting in 2018.
12 Incorporate more eye contact.
Making eye contact with your partner is a way of getting realtime sexual feedback and can be employed as a synchronizing signal. It’s also a gesture of respect, understanding, and interest, so more of it is highly likely to make sex not just longer but better for you and your partner. Take some moments to intentionally lock eyes and hold that mutual gaze or sexier engagement. At the very least, this eye contact will add some time to your routine. But you may also find that it helps you to connect with your partner in a more meaningful way.
13 Talk to your partner.
If sex seems to be shorter that you and your partner like, talk about it. You could start off by voicing your intention. Something like: “I love the sex we have so much and I want it to last longer.” You could also present the situation as a compliment: “I get so turned on when we’re in bed together that it’s difficult not to lose control.” You may find that voicing the issue—rather than avoiding or ignoring it—may have an immediate effect the next time you have at it. From there, you can enlist your partner’s help in helping sex last longer by talking about incorporating the items listed above. “Tonight, I’d really like to make more eye contact/take breaks/try the squeeze method/emphasize outercourse, et cetera.”
14 Talk to a professional.
If you try all of items above and sex still doesn’t last as long and you and your partner would like, it might be time to consult a therapist as an individual or as a couple. Many sexual dysfunctions are rooted in psychology rather than physiology, and this is particularly true of premature ejaculation. A 2013 study published in Japanese Psychological Research looked at 15 PE sufferers who underwent eight to twelve sessions of therapy and found that the changes that took place were “statistically significant with a tendency towards improvement.”
15 Get comfortably numb.
The methods above should markedly improve your sexual stamina over time. But the nuclear option is to use a product designed to temporarily desensitize your penis. Durex, Trojan, and Lifestyles all offer condoms that contain between 4 and 5 percent benzocaine, a numbing agent that will reduce your johnson’s sensitivity and, ideally, enable you to slow down the clock during your next session. If condoms aren’t part of your routine, you can desensitize your penis by using a numbing spray. Dr. Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, recommends Promescent. “You spray it once or twice on the head of the penis, and it absorbs really well, so a woman isn’t going to experience residual numbing,” he says.